Do you think I’m beautiful?
I found myself writing those words during a class at MTSU this week. As soon as I wrote it I asked myself why. And I realized it’s a question that I have been asking a lot lately. Not out loud of course, but in my mind I find myself asking that question. Now there are certain people I know that think I’m beautiful. I know that my family thinks I’m beautiful, I know my close friends think I’m beautiful, and I know my Heavenly Father thinks I’m beautiful. Something that might strike people as strange is that I think I’m beautiful. I don’t mean to sound stuck up, but when I look in the mirror I love what I see. Of course I think there are things that could change, but they don’t worry me, I don’t obsess over them. I like the way I look. I like my smile, my nose, my eyes; I even like the mole on my cheek that people try to pick off J. When I look in the mirror I see a person who is fearfully and wonderfully made and the Lord didn’t make a mistake, His hand did not slip while forming my being. I do have moments when I am insecure and I nitpick over my face or body, but for the most part I am confident in my beauty. Yet with all this confidence why did I write that question and to whom was it directed? I’ll tell you.
It was directed at you.
The person reading this blog that is not my family or a close friend. It is directed at every guy I come across in my lifetime. Do you want honest? When it comes to my looks, it took me a long time to be confident and like the way I look. Yet every insecurity I had comes flooding back to me every time I pass an unmarried man. It’s sad, I know, but I find myself wondering if guys think I’m beautiful. But its not just men, its women as well. When I’m at school I find myself wondering what the other girls at school think of me. Are they jealous of my looks? Do they think I’m uglier than they are? How do they think I compare to the girl I’m sitting next to?
Its interesting because a couple of weeks ago I saw 2 videos of dramatic readings of poems. Both were women, both were essentially talking about beauty. They were talking about how the American society has placed such a burden on women today to be beautiful by the media’s standards, to be beautiful as defined by men today; but if we as women are trying to measure up to that standard of beautiful we will always fall short. Its like (in a crude way) a sinful person trying to match up to the holiness of God. Its impossible. Yet we as women try to attain it. We try our best to be beautiful for the men in our lives, and sadly our family’s opinion doesn’t count. We try so hard to achieve the outer beauty so that a guy will talk to us, cherish us, and not look at any other women. We starve ourselves, hate ourselves, primp, squish, and go through rigorous unnatural treatment to make ourselves into something that the Bible calls “fleeting and vain”.
Why? Why do we worry? If it doesn’t last. If the person we want to affirm us has nothing to do with how we were made or what we’re worth. Why? I don’t know why. I don’t know why we care so much. Or let me rephrase that. I don’t know why I care so much. I guess its human nature. I guess because no matter how much I don’t want it to, the media has an influence on me. I remember not so long ago when I could identify with the Barlow Girl song “Mirror” the lyrics are “Mirror, mirror on the wall. Have I got it? ‘Cause mirror you’ve always told me, who I am. I finding its not easy, to be perfect” and I would stop there. Striving, always striving was my state. I hated myself, my weight, I hated that I didn’t look like the other girls I danced with. Several times I would pray for the Lord to perform a miracle and make me skinny (because that was my definition of beautiful). I can’t tell you when it changed… I think it was a slow process, but one day I realized that I like what I see in the mirror. Yes, I could stand to lose some weight; yes, I don’t look like the other girls I dance with, but it is not going to define my beauty and it was most certainly not going to determine whether or not I liked myself. Now I can proudly sing the rest of the song that goes, “(to the mirror) sorry, you don’t define me. Sorry you don’t own me. Who are you to tell me that I’m less than what I should be, who are you? I don’t need to listen to the list of things I should do, who are you? You don’t define me.” I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 113:14). I know that charm is deceitful and beauty vain (Proverbs 31:30). And I know that I am to adorn myself with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit (1 Peter 3:4).
These are the truths I hold close to and strive to be every day. Yet one of my favorite songs on the radio right now is the Bruno Mars song “Just the Way You Are”. Why? Because I imagine one day a guy singing that to me. Not my family, not my friends, not the Lord, but a boy. A sinful, human boy. Regardless of what I know and hold true in my heart about beauty, I still want it from another source. What does that mean? Does it mean that I have not truly accepted what the Lord says about my beauty? I mean, I know I can apply that song to Him or my family and it works, but I still have that longing.
I’m not really sure where this is headed, but I guess it’s a shout out to you ladies out there who are worried because a man outside your family hasn’t told you how beautiful you are yet. Don’t worry, I’m right there with you. And please know reader this is not something I wrote to make you feel sorry, or get more compliments on how good I look. I know I look good J I’m just confessing an area of weakness I sometimes have.
Know this. If anything I’ve said resonated with you let me remind you of a Man who loves you way more than you deserve or think. He was willing to die for you. He formed your innermost being, He knows your innermost thoughts, and He knows your innermost desires. And He whispers softly and sweetly to you, “You are altogether beautiful, my love; there is no flaw in you.” (Song of Solomon 4:7) Love and acceptance makes a person beautiful. So go be beautiful for the world to see because you have the greatest Love, the love of the King!
