Part 2 of the blog I wrote for www.girlsliving4god.com :
So, last time we talked, I mentioned that purity begins with the mind and the heart. If we can fight for purity there, the other aspects of purity are a little easier to wade through. Now I promise you that we are going to get to talking about physical purity, but this next part is something I have only recently thought about, but I believe it is an important aspect of purity…
Emotional Purity.
What is that?!
To be honest, I’m still figuring it out myself, but we’ll go on this little adventure together.
Emotional purity has a close tie in to the purity of heart and mind that we were talking about last time, only it has to do more with our emotions than our thoughts. As girls, we are generally governed by our emotions more than our male counterparts, and we find satisfaction in finding relationships (be they familial, friendship, or romantic) that satisfy our emotions.
Think of it this way. When we are feeling sad we are going to call the friend who will either cheer us up or be sad with us, depending on how we want that emotion satisfied at the moment. We can do the same thing with boys. We use them to satisfy the emotional desires we long for in a romantic relationship. Have you ever liked a guy, or been “friends” with a guy only to feel devastated when he starts dating someone other than you? It is possible to have a broken heart and never even dated before, because we as women become emotionally attached to men more quickly than we become physically attached to them. I forget who said it, but I once heard someone say that girls will have sex with guys to get the emotional intimacy they long for from the guys, and guys give the emotional intimacy to have sex with the girl. But you don’t have to have sex in order to get the emotional intimacy you desire from a guy.
A lot of times we as girls like to sugar coat our emotional impurity with another name… “best friends”. Now I’m not saying that guys and girls cannot be best friends, I just personally think that it is near impossible. Think about it this way, do your parents have best friends of the opposite sex that they spend as much time with as they do their spouse? Does your mom tell her secrets and hang out with a guy other than your dad? Most likely the answer is no, and if they do, I’m pretty sure the other parent isn’t happy about it. Why is that? I believe its because there is only one context where men and women can be true best friends without it being weird, and that is in the context of marriage. That is when you are supposed to be best friends, until then we are just kidding ourselves.
Now I don’t think its wrong to be friends with a guy, and in fact I think it is possible, but we as women just have to be careful with how much we reveal of ourselves. You and I both know that the more we tell a guy about ourselves, the closer we feel to him. It is very tempting when we are single and desire to have a romantic relationship to call up one of our “guy friends” and talk to them for hours, or hang out one on one with the guy for hours on end. This is something we must be careful of, even when dating a guy. Leslie Ludy in her book Authentic Beauty calls it the “Feminine Mystique”. We must be care for to guard our hearts will all vigilance, as Proverbs 4:23 says, and that includes guarding our emotions that will cause our hearts to go down a path that it is not yet time to go down.
Over and over in the book of Song of Solomon we are reminded not to awaken love before its time. That includes all aspects of love, even the emotional part of love. And yes its hard, and at times we will fall, but remember, that is the beauty of the Gospel, knowing that we cannot do it on our own.
If you want to read more on this subject I would suggest 2 books: Authentic Beauty by Leslie Ludy and Emotional Purity by Heather Arnel Paulsen. These books are great and have really spurred me on in my walk towards purity. I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas and I look forward to writing again!
In Him,
Raychel
Friday, December 30, 2011
This Thing Called Purity pt.1
Here is a blog I wrote for www.girlsliving4god.com:
“Oh, when is the wedding?”
“Are you engaged?”
These are questions that I get a lot wherever I go. I blame it on one little thing… my purity ring. My dad gave it to me when I was 13 (actually, this is my second one because I lost the stone in my first one) and I have been wearing it every since. So usually this is the conversation that happens after I get asked about being engaged:
“no. This is my purity ring.”
“Oh, what’s a purity ring?”
“It’s a promise I’ve made to God, myself, my parents, and my future husband to stay pure and a virgin until marriage.”
“Oh” (awkward silence) “That’s… um… good for you… I guess…”
Generally my conversation ends there with the person I’m talking to, but this is a conversation I continually have with myself. I remember around the age of 15 or 16 seriously asking myself, “what does it mean to be pure?” I mean, I understood that the technical sense of the word means not having sex until you’re married and then only having sex with your husband for the rest of your life. But I could think of people in my life that hadn’t had sex yet, but I wouldn’t consider them a pure person. Since I was interested in the topic, I started reading books written by godly men and women, and the Lord used those books to show me what purity really is. Purity is so much more than waiting to have sex, purity means guarding your heart, soul and mind for the glory of God. If you can do that, staying a virgin is easy. Most people think that losing your virginity is something that happens in a moment of weakness, but it is actually a slow decomposition of values that lead to giving your body to a man. If you want to remain pure it must begin with your heart and mind. Scripture says, “ Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23) and “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)
Now purity of the heart and the mind is not something we talk about all the time, and it is something that the Lord has had to teach me over and over throughout the years. Honestly, I believe if we can practice this type of purity, all other forms will be easy. Purity of the heart and mind are really one and the same. What ever is in your heart is what you think about, and whatever you think about is what is in your heart. Do you think a lot about Justin Bieber, or your best friends, or losing weight? That is what your heart is concerned with. Do you imagine or daydream about boys (or a certain boy) liking you? Whispering sweet nonsense in your ear? Hugging you, holding your hand, giving you gentle kisses? I know as girls we like to pretend that we don’t ever do this, but ladies lets be honest, it happens more times than we like to admit. Plus, you are talking to the queen of making up love stories in her head. But this is where purity begins, making sure that even our thoughts are not causing us to desire things other than the Lord. Because when we desire things other than the Lord, He is no longer glorified. And remember our first definition of purity? We do it for the glory of God. So try it, as 2 Corinthians 10:5b says, “and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
This is going to be difficult to accomplish. I know because I still struggle with it, but there is beauty in the struggle. My inability to constantly control my thoughts and desires forces me to beg the Lord for help. It also serves as a reminder to me that Jesus is the only thing that can save me from my sinful nature. He never struggled to the point of sinning in anything. He was the only man on earth who never desired anything other than glorifying the Father. That is the beauty of the Gospel and it is in everything, even our struggle to live a pure life. We can rest in the knowledge that although we cannot stay pure on our own, we can call on One who did stay pure and can help us to be like Him. Remember “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)
So begin today to finds ways to set your heart and your mind on the Lord. I’ll be honest with you, it is not always easy. I struggle with it everyday. But I go back to Psalm 19:14 and make it my desperate prayer. Its says, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” We will begin with this and later we will talk about other forms of purity. For now here are some practical ways to help our hearts and minds stay focused on the Lord. Some of these I do, others ideas I got from my friends.
- Write scripture on 3x5 cards and put them on your mirror, in your car, and around your room.
- Laminate a passage of scripture and memorize it while you’re taking a shower
- Make up a song or rap that you can sing to yourself throughout the day
- Spend time in the Word and ask questions: “who, what, when, why, how”
- Read a passage of scripture with a friend and discuss what it means to both of you
- Memorize scripture.
Well ladies, I cannot wait to write more on this topic. Know that it is something that I am passionate about and I desire to spread that passion to you and other girls. Hold strong, know that there are others fighting alongside you for this thing called purity, and live joyfully!
In Him,
Raychel
“Oh, when is the wedding?”
“Are you engaged?”
These are questions that I get a lot wherever I go. I blame it on one little thing… my purity ring. My dad gave it to me when I was 13 (actually, this is my second one because I lost the stone in my first one) and I have been wearing it every since. So usually this is the conversation that happens after I get asked about being engaged:
“no. This is my purity ring.”
“Oh, what’s a purity ring?”
“It’s a promise I’ve made to God, myself, my parents, and my future husband to stay pure and a virgin until marriage.”
“Oh” (awkward silence) “That’s… um… good for you… I guess…”
Generally my conversation ends there with the person I’m talking to, but this is a conversation I continually have with myself. I remember around the age of 15 or 16 seriously asking myself, “what does it mean to be pure?” I mean, I understood that the technical sense of the word means not having sex until you’re married and then only having sex with your husband for the rest of your life. But I could think of people in my life that hadn’t had sex yet, but I wouldn’t consider them a pure person. Since I was interested in the topic, I started reading books written by godly men and women, and the Lord used those books to show me what purity really is. Purity is so much more than waiting to have sex, purity means guarding your heart, soul and mind for the glory of God. If you can do that, staying a virgin is easy. Most people think that losing your virginity is something that happens in a moment of weakness, but it is actually a slow decomposition of values that lead to giving your body to a man. If you want to remain pure it must begin with your heart and mind. Scripture says, “ Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (Proverbs 4:23) and “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” (Romans 12:2)
Now purity of the heart and the mind is not something we talk about all the time, and it is something that the Lord has had to teach me over and over throughout the years. Honestly, I believe if we can practice this type of purity, all other forms will be easy. Purity of the heart and mind are really one and the same. What ever is in your heart is what you think about, and whatever you think about is what is in your heart. Do you think a lot about Justin Bieber, or your best friends, or losing weight? That is what your heart is concerned with. Do you imagine or daydream about boys (or a certain boy) liking you? Whispering sweet nonsense in your ear? Hugging you, holding your hand, giving you gentle kisses? I know as girls we like to pretend that we don’t ever do this, but ladies lets be honest, it happens more times than we like to admit. Plus, you are talking to the queen of making up love stories in her head. But this is where purity begins, making sure that even our thoughts are not causing us to desire things other than the Lord. Because when we desire things other than the Lord, He is no longer glorified. And remember our first definition of purity? We do it for the glory of God. So try it, as 2 Corinthians 10:5b says, “and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”
This is going to be difficult to accomplish. I know because I still struggle with it, but there is beauty in the struggle. My inability to constantly control my thoughts and desires forces me to beg the Lord for help. It also serves as a reminder to me that Jesus is the only thing that can save me from my sinful nature. He never struggled to the point of sinning in anything. He was the only man on earth who never desired anything other than glorifying the Father. That is the beauty of the Gospel and it is in everything, even our struggle to live a pure life. We can rest in the knowledge that although we cannot stay pure on our own, we can call on One who did stay pure and can help us to be like Him. Remember “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13)
So begin today to finds ways to set your heart and your mind on the Lord. I’ll be honest with you, it is not always easy. I struggle with it everyday. But I go back to Psalm 19:14 and make it my desperate prayer. Its says, “May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.” We will begin with this and later we will talk about other forms of purity. For now here are some practical ways to help our hearts and minds stay focused on the Lord. Some of these I do, others ideas I got from my friends.
- Write scripture on 3x5 cards and put them on your mirror, in your car, and around your room.
- Laminate a passage of scripture and memorize it while you’re taking a shower
- Make up a song or rap that you can sing to yourself throughout the day
- Spend time in the Word and ask questions: “who, what, when, why, how”
- Read a passage of scripture with a friend and discuss what it means to both of you
- Memorize scripture.
Well ladies, I cannot wait to write more on this topic. Know that it is something that I am passionate about and I desire to spread that passion to you and other girls. Hold strong, know that there are others fighting alongside you for this thing called purity, and live joyfully!
In Him,
Raychel
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